i'm becoming a girl! two weekends in a row, i have met with a girlfriend to do some shopping and have a meal. both are most enjoyable and excellent shopping buddies; giving the right advice and discouraging a purchase when needed. Dolly and i have excellent conversation about a great many things and laugh at the plight of life. she has educated me on the history of her culture and i hope she has found in me a person who is truly interested. Marni and i also have excellent conversation and laughter again at the plight of life. we do spend many minutes hopelessly trying to understand others. i will be sad to be distanced in geography from these two. they have taught me an important lesson; be less picky. neither of them would ever go hiking or camping with me, but Dolly and i have played volleyball and Marni and her family snowboard. all interests don't have to be the same, just enough to keep the conversation flowing and to have a few laughs. yes it's fun to have somebody to do things with, but there are different people with which to do those things. i think, with friends, at the end of the day, it's not about doing things, it's the conversation. finding common ground, an understanding, the empathy that an everlasting friend provides. i have found this to be a rare. in fact, thus far i believe i have found it once, nay twice. i am working on three through six. it will be effort to keep up on five and six as the distance grows, but it is worth the effort. this has turned into something a lot more philosophical and sappy then how i have had fun shopping! i guess the major point is that in spite of the horror that is the workplace, good has come out of it.

53 days. 53 days and i can walk out of the building for the last time and look ahead. i will never have to look back. i will never have to grit my teeth, hold my tongue, and bear the wrath of an insecure, scatterbrained, control freak. how many people in this country and in the world drag themselves through misery every day? how many complain about their boss to their significant other? how many arrive home feeling belittled and helpless. i would use the word harassment, but that seems a touch strong. however according to dictionary.com 'harassment' is defined 'to disturb persistently'; that's precisely the feeling. there is a disturbance in my being and it will persist until that being is removed from the source. it's like a tick. they suck your blood, filling their needs with your pain. when you try to flush the tick, it will not die, it will simply flow on finding the next victim.

discrimination is another word. there is racial, sexual, age, etc. but what about discrimination against intelligence? perhaps it's jealousy, perhaps it's anger against the new generation and the fear of being made redundant. PERHAPS i should cease to ponder on such things because at the end of the day, it's entirely not worth my energy. a company that treats it's employees as though they are dispensable. aye, there's the point! i do not wish to be dispensable, i am worth much more than that, and should not be employed by such a company.